There’s nothing harder than being honest with yourself about yourself. When we embark on the journey of self-discovery, we will inevitably begin to realize that we are not who we thought we were. These realizations can be very upsetting at first, but to paraphrase a great teacher, ultimately, they will set you free. The less certain you feel about who you are, the closer you’re getting to finding your true self.
Most of who you think you are the result of programming in your early years. We learn how to make those around us happy so that we can feel safe, and those behaviors come to be understood as our personality. It’s an unconscious process.
A person may see themselves as thoughtful and generous, and as a culture these are seen as positive attributes and therefore encouraged. But that person may have had a narcissistic parent, who taught them that their needs came second to the parent’s. They may have been punished harshly forever thinking of themselves and now their survival strategy is to always put the needs of others before theirs.
So, while those around them are lauding these self-sacrificing saints for all their selfless deeds, inside they are suffering deeply. Eventually, it even affects their health. Acts of service are wonderful if they come from a place of love and understanding that we are all one. They are toxic if they are motivated by a deep-seated fear that we will be abandoned and rejected if we don’t do them. And the biggest challenge we face as human beings is to discern which one is driving our choices. Is it love or fear?
You may easily say that it’s love without allowing yourself to look any deeper. That’s okay if that’s where you’re at. But if you’re ready for the journey back to your true self, it would be good to pause next time you’re about to say yes to that request and notice what’s happening inside you. Notice what it would feel like to say no and just take a deep breath and be present to the part of you that may start to feel agitated. If you feel fear or like you need to distract yourself in that moment, it may be time to enlist the help of a therapist or coach who can walk with you. We are not meant to do this alone.
There are very good survival reasons for not seeing the truth about ourselves but what served you in your early years is holding you back from living fully and authentically as an adult. You don’t even recognize the heavy chains you’ve been dragging around with you until you start letting them go. It’s not only worth walking through the scary parts to rediscover your true and beautiful self, but also why you’re here. Nothing matters more than finding and loving the parts of yourself that you had to hide. They are part of you, and they are beautiful.
